04 March 2011

dedicated to my grandma ward

My instinct about almost everything in life that I have feelings about, it to write.
Hence the 'honest to blog' nature of everything I write.
However, the long pauses of time that I go without posting are not because I'm not feeling, but because I'm feeling too deeply to put my thoughts and feelings in a public place on the internet.

You'll see that I've taken some time off from blogging.

However I'm ready to share some feelings
And I hope I'm not being inappropriate by sharing them, but here they are:

My grandmother was large part of my life. My namesake, she helped raise me and has watched me grow from an infant to an adult. Her and my grandfather have cared for and loved me and my family dearly. It was so hard to watch my grandma lay in bed almost unconscious and my grandpa with tears streaming downs his face. It was hard to see my mom be so sick and want so badly to take care of her parents. It was so upsetting to hear my grandmother had passed away a few hours after we left, even if she was old. It was so sweet that she hung on until we got to say goodbye.

I've been marveling at the perspective death provides. Everything seems so much bigger than what I'm doing now. All of the things that upset me seem so insignificant when I think of the power of a family being together in the last minutes of life. Family should always be one of the biggest priorities. They are the only ones there when its all said and done.

I will admit to feeling sad (especially about my grandpa being alone now), but I also feel so grateful that I know families are forever. I know my grandma is with her family right now, and I know she's so happy.

There you have it. I hope this doesn't come off weepy or as a call for pity; it surely is not.
These are my feelings and that is that.

1 comment:

  1. I just lost my grandma too...and it's been difficult. My thoughts and prayers are with your family, and thanks for sharing so honestly. Grandmothers are very, very special.