what.

The last two months have been incredible. I'm not sure whose life i'm living. Surely it cant be mine.

The last time i wrote, my future was pretty uncertain. Plans, ideas, but nothing solid. Here is what has happened:

Way back in February, I went to URTA's. Basically a huge audition for those actors who want to keep going the educational route and work toward an MFA. A HUGE and supremely smart step for becoming fantastic onstage. I had been preparing for months. By far the most important audition i had been to thus far. So of course my flight was cancelled and naturally i missed the auditions. Well, I missed the Chicago auditions. Luckily, the auditions take place over a few weeks so i caught up in San Fran. I was frazzled and crazy and the auditions went okay. The big audition, that is. I auditioned separately for a non affiliated program right before I went into my actual URTA audition. I killed the first audition because I didnt really give two shits. The school was too expensive and i was using it as my warm up. Didnt really work for me though because the actual audition was pretty..meh. Not bad at all. Just not fantastic. Highlights of the trip include chinatown, plum wine, moisurizer made from REAL GOLD that a hustler on the street convinced me I need. I still think i need it, but i am $500 short. Meeting a handsome actor. A Callback with my first choice for school: FSU/ ASOLO. Lowlights include hugely bombing a callback from University of Houston and looking like a major fucktard. Losing a copy of the Hobbit on the flight. And turbulent skies. It was fantastic.

A few weeks later, i headed to unified auditions in Orem. You show up with an audition and beg someone to hire you during the summer while the rest of Utah and Idaho relocates to sell security. I had the flu. The accompanist invented an interesting tempo and I couldnt sing to save my life. I also got in a HUGE screaming match that afternoon with my awful best friend who i simultaneously hate and adore at exactly the same time. I didnt get many callbacks and I kept using the phrase 'ACTOR that sings'. Not a great day.

BUT it didnt matter because my next trip was NEW YORK CITY. As the city does with many, it stole my heart and refuses to give it back. Our showcase was incredible. We performed very well. If you need someone to be proud of, let it be the 10 of us that went. 10 clueless idaho kids and our frazzled Mary Poppins of an acting professor. Thank god for her by the way. We'd all be stuck doing community theatre if homegirl hadn't shown up a few years ago with her carpet bag full of talent, beauty, grace and experience in the industry. But seriously, we performed on 42nd street and New York didn't implode. We didn't actually suck! I stayed with a friend and experienced the city as a local. I saw mindblowing theatre...and some that straight sucked. I shopped in the village and hung out at the strand. I ate ramen and rode the subway at 3 in the morning. I also decided that I'd buy a one way there in no less than 6 months.

So here's what came out of these last few months:

I booked a trip to California to see said cute actor and take a vacation. (I had so much fun, btw. West coast best coast. Not really, but i totally vibe with SoCal)

A cool acting company was a teeny bit interested in me after they saw me perform in NY.

That little audition in San Fran that was killer? Yeah, it was with a conservatory called Stella Adler. They accepted me to their acting program in New York. HOLY SHIT.

Also, I cant go. I cant afford it. But damn. I got in!

I got hired by the Neil Simon festival for this summer. I'm a professional!

And after Neil Simon, I'll work for a few more months and then i'm buying that one-way ticket to the city that holds my heart.

Like i said, whose life is this?

I'm finally done hanging out in rock bottom.

Thankgod.

Posting to a Graveyard

To anyone who might read this, you'd probably assume someone else is writing here. You'd be right. I'm not really the girl who was writing here three years ago. A divorce, several moves and one bachelor's degree (oh boy is that reductive) later, here I am. Sheepishly rearing my head on a mostly dead social media outlet.

Thing is, I have nowhere to collect my thoughts. Or air opinions. I'm uncomfortable with confrontation on Facebook and Twitter is for smarmy wit. Of which i am hardly capable.

I'm not cookie-cutter enough for this platform, but it is one that i am most established on. Oh, and i promise, no humble brags here. I can barely stomach my old posts. Gone are the days of trying (and failing miserably) of making my life look interesting and most unfortunately, pinteresting.

So for anyone still hanging out in the blogger desert, here's where I'm at.

Currently, I hold a Bacherlor's degree in Theatre from ISU.
Meaning that I work at Buffalo Wild Wings as a profession.
I moved back into my parents house in Idaho Falls 2 months ago. A thing i swore i would never do no matter if i was broke, starving, loathing life, depressed, jobless, vicing (to put it nicely. Sort of made that one up.) or any other state of bullshit. I loathe my hometown, but i hope that my 18 year old self understands the concept of self preservation. A change of scenery was in store and my parents welcomed their prodigal daughter with open arms. God bless.

I guess i should mention that I am in this area by choice.
I am taking the opportunity to travel to Chicago as an MFA candidate and to NY to see some casting directors with a few of my old classmates and my acting coach. I needed to stay to save for that, so I haven't thrown in the towel on my career. Just a bit of waiting, I suppose.

And that divorce. That awful black (or maybe red) mark on my record. Its a pretty heartbreaking story and one that may eventually be talked about here, but probably in given time. Its an ache I revisit often and though i am pretty damn candid, writing out everything is too hard. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it and we've been separated for a year; legally divorced for 7 months. I will say that despite all of that, I am doing pretty well. I am working hard to stay motivated on my career goals even though it is SO SOO hard to be motivated when professors and colleagues aren't there to provide pressure.

i am slowly rebuilding and learning.

sometimes life throws a wrench.
A really bad wrench.

and sometimes we surprise ourselves.

Alan lost his job last week {on my birthday to be exact}
and it was a pretty low blow to our little family.

Even though its been hard to wrap our heads around the changes we'll need to make,
we're both doing pretty well given the circumstances.

Al's already got some leads on jobs and some plans to make ends meet.


I guess when the worst happens all you can do is pick yourself up.

It's difficult thinking about not being able to afford the roof over our heads and the food that nourishes us, let alone clothes, makeup and orange cream slushes...

&

I'm not saying its easy, or that i dont cry.
i cry all the time when things are going well....
clearly my tear quota has doubled.

but,

we're okay.

and i'm not big on getting all mushy and spiritual here.

but we know who's helping us and honestly, if we didnt have God to turn to, we wouldnt be doing very well.

Things happen for a reason.

We're just trading something good for something fantastic.


peace and love bloggers:)

ms. olive

um hello.

i'm backish.

ive thought alot about this blog and mostly i dont care for it.

but

something big is happening

Its the 25th annual putnam county spelling Bee.

starring ME!

Please come?

Show dates:

October 5, 6, 11,12 and 13

ho hum

I've gotten bored// irritated of blogging.

It's not a safe place for my thoughts anymore.

and it seems to be more about networking and getting your "helpful hints" pinned.

Blah.

Maybe its time to retire the blog.

feeling crazy.

I'm in the midst of tranferring my crazy all inclusive notebook

into several seperate notebooks.

you know, getting organized.

softening the blow of school starting and opening a show at the same time.

I'm the kind of girl that needs about 5 different notebooks.

Since i'm also a listy kind of girl, the first one i'm starting on is the notebook dedicated only to lists.

feeling crazy.

who has time to read?

I checked this book out at 3:00pm yesterday and finished it at 10:00 am.

If you're into suspense, it's a good one.

Not scary, but mysterious.

Don't get scared off by the description.

I thought it would be difficult to read being that it's about suicide.

NOT SO.

It's a beautiful book:)

GO READ.

To Roni

today is my oldest friend's birthday.

we met in kindergarten, before we knew it was not okay to wear a dress AND sit with your legs open.

we made it through the drama of throwing up at eachother's houses and discovering you have chicken pox at a sleepover.

our friendship survived a 4 hour journey after years of being one minute away.

we stayed friends through our silly teen years as we morphed into who we were becoming.

and now, we've been friends for 18 years; 14 of those from afar.

she's basically family..

she's my oldest friend.

let's be honest though, that girl and i will be friends forever:

she's one of the only people i still CALL on their birthday.

and i dont need a calendar or facebook reminder.

I ALWAYS remember.

Love you lady!

i lied. we do have a life. sort of.

I must have lied when i said nothing much has been happening.

I was thinking about that statement last night & plenty has been happeneing.

I just havent felt like putting any of it here.

lazy.

so here's what's been going on.

we made a couple of interesting purchases:

Lagoon season passes

&

a not so new, but new to us, slutty as fuh car named Brooke.

{alan drives her}

I got officially hired as a seamstress at the ISU costume shop.

This is for pay, ya'll.

i suppose we're all pretty shocked about that.

I started swimming with an adult practice team in the mornings.

It's my new favorite way to excersize.

I hated it at first, but i've improved and now its a party.

Okay... and flip turns are really the best part.

I auditioned for a new show.

Rent.

Got in.

It has incredible music.

I'm going to the Dentist tomorrow

.... for probably the 80th time this summer.

But i'm actually getting work done which, if you know me..

makes me nervous.

We spent forever searching for the right guy for the job.

And the day has arrived.

yuck.

glad i'll be sedated.

We got ourselves hooked to vampire diaries.

I guess it seems pathetic the way i love TV.

But that show is so great.

Any other vampy creeps out there?

All in the details, i suppose.

at least now we know i dont just sit on my butt all day.

just, like, 50% of it.

M.I.A.

I am overly boring.

There's literally nothing to say.

Blah.

We're all hoping something will happen so i have ANYTHING to talk about.

Until then, here's a funny picture of a kitty.

bloglovin'

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

....if you're into it

the bach.

can we just talk about Emily having more cajones than i ever thought?

who knew that abc would'nt keep ryan around..

his drama was bringin' in the ratings.

also, since this is my first bachelorette experience...do these guys always turn into cry babies?

seriously.

.and arie..you're the worst one.

boohoohoo.

among other favorites of the night:

ryans tank top. what was that?

also, his turquiose shoes. red flag? gay.

emily tripping in her heels, though that outfit was to die. wish i had a 5 in' thigh gap so i could get away with those clothes.

arie drama next week. whattttt?!

cant wait for next monday

{who says that?}

best of

I realize that the allure of this app has dwindled..

but i did find these best of drawsomethings on my phone.

my favorite is the puke one.

it's my best yet.

the rest are just silly.

happy monday:)